Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Eyes

I am avoiding doing my homework at all costs, but this is pretty much my last moment of freedom before that begins, so I shall recount the tale of my visit to the eye doctor on Saturday.

It had been two years since my last visit, and my lenses were so badly scratched that my glasses were probably doing more harm than good, so off I went to get an eye exam [$114 ... what the hell!? And that's with a student discount!]. I really like going to the optometrist. I think its fun. I kind of like when people are doing medical tests on me. Yes, I'm a freak.

I looked in the first machine at the little farmhouse. Then I looked into the next machine and got shot in the eyes with the poofs of air. Hate that! But I'm getting better at it! Next, I went to a new machine which took a picture of the inside of my eye. Cool! Sadly, that machine was a bad one for me... you need to be lined up well [so the woman was basically grabbing my head and forcing me into position lol] and your eyes need to be wide open [I'm kind of a squinter] and you're not allowed to blink [I'm kind of a blinker]. As per procedure, they taped my eye open, with my eyelashes being taped to my forehead. Awkward! Well, like I said, I'm a blinker, and when the camera flashed, I blinked so hard that I ripped the fucking tape right off my forehead! The woman said she'd only ever seen that one or two other times LOL.

Then I went in to see the new optometrist, since apparently the old one moved to BC. But I totally feel like I did have that optometrist before, so I think I was being lied to. He did all the little tests, then looked at my multitude of eye photos [which were all eyelash-filled] and was also shocked that I blinked the tape off my forehead. He then pointed out that I have a freckle in my eye, which I thought was totally freakish, but he said its common, and since then I've heard two other people say they have them, so that's weird HAHA.

Next, I hurried on over [all the way next door in the mall] to Lenscrafters so they could steal my wallet, empty my bank account and beat me over the head with a cartoon mallet, just to rub it in that they were robbing me. [I would say robbing me blind, but I just got my new eye prescription, and I was in a glasses store]. To ensure proper alignment of my new lenses, a woman with a cool name that I now forget [It seemed Egyptian to me. And no, it wasn't Cleopatra] put a machine up to my eyes to determine where they are on my mug, and she exclaimed "You're perfect!" ... I was all like "Guh?" and she was all like "Your eyes are perfect. You are symetrical."

I always new I had a pretty decent face. I just didn't know I was perfect. I guess if both your eyes being 29.5mm from the center of your face equals perfection, then I am perfect. But umm, I always thought that it took a little more than eye alignment to be perfect. Ya know?


Whiskeymarie said...

I'm going to go and measure right now so that I have something new to obsess over...


i am playing outside said...

Darling, I'm sure your eyes are even MORE perfect than mine ;)